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  • Writer's pictureBecky Borneman

Cooking 101 – Don’t Let Me Do It

Anyone who knows me knows I have no idea what I’m doing in the kitchen. I mean, it’s bad. Surprisingly I love watching cooking shows and reading food magazines. I love the idea of cooking, I just don’t like the act.

When Jeff and I first got together he came to Florida to meet my parents. Jeff would later tell me that sometime during that trip my dad pulled him aside to reiterate my cooking abilities, or lack thereof. I believe the exact words of my father were “She cannot cook a lick”. Rude? No. True? Yes.

Few months later we move in together and Jeff promises to do all the cooking. This went great for a while. Until one day I thought I would make him cookies from scratch. And it went beautifully, until it was time to bake the cookies. Now, the instructions say to “Grease the bottom of the pan”. So I greased…the bottom…of the pan. In my defense, no where on this recipe does it say to grease the INSIDE of the bottom of the pan. Needless to say that pan was ruined. The color went out of Jeff’s face as I explained what happened.

Then a few years later I got my confidence up again. I decided one morning to make him pancakes. I mixed the batter and took out the cast iron skillet and thought this would be great. I sprayed on top of the skillet and made a perfect pancake. Then I thought…you know what would be sweet? I have these cookie cutters that I got over Valentine’s Day (again, just for décor since I do not bake after that fiasco earlier referenced). I thought it would be fun to put those metal cookie cutters on the skillet and make pancakes shaped like a heart. Let me tell you something…don’t do that. Those metal cookie cutters bounced all over that hot skillet sparking the whole way. Needless to say we had McDonalds for breakfast.

That Christmas Jeff got me a Paula Deen’s cookbook. I felt so happy he still had a little faith in me. Then I realized what kind of cookbook it was. It was the Paul Deen’s Cookbook for Kids. And the very first rule in the book…Do Not Attempt To Cook Without Your Adult Helper At Home. And I have followed that rule. Our anniversary is coming up and I told Jeff I will cook dinner and I will use that cookbook. Get ready honey…macaroni and cheese and cut up hot dogs by candlelight.


Part of Issue 19:


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